Staying away

The single greatest risk to your own recovery and freedom from abuse, is the addictive pull and overwhelming urge to follow, observe and contact your abuser.

This person dosed you with love and adoration alongside hate and insult.  Swinging you between love and worthlessness.  Your emotions held in their grip and your stress or relief totally in their control.

In the stressful moments of escaping abuse, you will face the greatest emotional challenge of your life.  In these moments, it will feel too much - your confidence shattered.  Your mind knows how to source calm and love - in the arms of your abuser - after you apologise, go back and take the abuse and blame once more. 
 
As crazy as it sounds, your need for this false love and relief will pull at you to go back or to make contact.  

This contact is your risk zone.  Your ex holds all of the cards and it is nearly impossible to avoid being pulled back - if you dabble too often.