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Is my partner abusive? Perhaps ask a different question (domestic abuse assessment).

A free tool to assess how your past or current relationship makes you feel, to identify if your partner is abusive.


assessment forms

One of the main challenges in and after an abusive relationship is realising that it is abusive. I've written on this why this is such a psychological challenge here.

In short, we are shaped in a cycle of abuse to love, serve and protect our abuser - as a form of survival. Recognising the abuse is often lost as an ability and identifying them as an abuser feels a step too far and evokes guilt and shame in us.


In my work with abuse victims, I developed an alternate approach that is core within the Get Out Get Love recovery programme - this being an assessment of how the relationship feels rather than what the partner does.


Whilst we can fail to see our partners' behaviours - we can usually recognise fear, obligation, guilt, shame and the loss of our own needs, when asked. This is because our inner world is alive in us and hidden for all of our relationship - we may reach a state where it feels normal and we dare not name it, but when asked... we often can.


Rather than waffle on here about the approach - I will link you to the assessment and hope it provides value and insight.


The assessment tool is here and free to use.


Please use it safely, if you are at any risk (i.e. on a computer that cannot be tracked or via a device on which you can confidently clear the history). We don't collect your email address to give you the results, but offer to send it to you - if this is safe for you.


The report provides advice on what to do next, if you identify any needs for yourself.








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