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Self-compassion as a primary need after abusive relationships

Self-compassion is important for anyone who has experienced an abusive relationship because it helps us to develop feelings of self-worth, self-acceptance, and inner strength.

These feelings are essential for moving on to develop a life that feels free and full of love, as they fill the gaps in us that often make us vulnerable to abusive people. We feel self-worth (self-love) and so we stop seeking it from the wrong places!

For those who have experienced abusive relationships, it is common to feel a sense of shame or self-blame, and to struggle with low self-esteem.

Developing self-compassion can also help to counter these negative feelings and provide a more positive and supportive inner voice. This becomes a friend to us and can rise to respond to some of our old friends who try to help but get in our way (Fear, Obligation, Guilt and Shame)... more on this in the full programme.

Self-compassion can also help us to feel more connected to others and less isolated, as it involves realising that suffering is a universal human experience and that we all have moments of weakness and vulnerability.

This recognition can help us to feel less alone in their struggles and more connected to others who may have experienced similar challenges. People who have been alone in abusive situations are highly prone to feeling that they were the cause and their situation is unique - which is very far from the truth.

Finally, self-compassion can help us to feel more empowered and in control of our own healing and growth process. By being kind and understanding towards oneself, we can learn to let go of self-blame and instead focus on the steps they can take to heal and move forward.

Self-compassion therefore compliments the GOGL programme, as the steps are provided for us to take - and we need to take them with a loving kindness to ourselves.


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